Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
