You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
