Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
