So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
