Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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