There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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