I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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