I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
