The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
