70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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