I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
