Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
