since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
