there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
