Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
