We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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