Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
