I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
