I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would punch a child for taco bell
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
