if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
