new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
