a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
