It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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