dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize