OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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