You just made me feel so damn special
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
