Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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