wakey wakey hands off snakey
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
