theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
