in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
