i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
