He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize