I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
