Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
