it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize