When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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