If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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