Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
