you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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