im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i need some magic done to my vagina
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My feet surprised me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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