My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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