if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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