i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
