So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
