He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize