i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
