I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
MIDGETS
????
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
