he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize