I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
