She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm like, not good at living.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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