I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
