he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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