On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
