Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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