i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
