OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
