i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
