Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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