I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
