after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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