I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
