so explain again why im purple
no
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
