This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
pop tarts are not kleenex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
